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China sucks. I have tried so hard to like this place and I can say China & I just do not get along. I’ve been living in North East China, in a dump of city called Changchun. Its a shithole. Like seriously this place is just shitty all over. For 6 months of the year its winter with -15 celsius temperatures. It can drop down as low as -30c, which thankfully I haven’t had to endure this winter yet. Last week it got down as low as -28c. Now that is bitterly cold. In my local shop downstairs they remove the refrigerators, because, heck its minus 20 outside, who needs a fridge when the natural cold will do. Which is great for icy cold beers. But sucks for the people working in the shop.

The worst thing about winter here is hiding indoors. Granted I’m not the most out going or social person in the world, but I do like to have my fair share of fun! Its virtually impossible to go outdoors, cause there is nothing to do in this place. Its too cold for a walk. Its too cold to get a taxi 40 minutes into the city to walk around the dirty disgusting spit laden streets. There is nothing to do in the city except either shop at local markets, or go to the malls and spend your RMB there. That gets old pretty quickly.

So weekends are very boring, a lot of binge watching happens, catching up on all the series that have managed to slip under my radar. Hanging out with friends in their apartments in the compound that we live in is the normal now. Its a very tough place to live and I could not imagine spending my life as a foreigner in this place. Every holiday is planned to escape it here. W currently is living in Ho Chi Minh City, so whenever I get the time off I go visit him there for normality. Vietnam is awesome, the people, the food, the culture, the climate is all just the bees knees.

Its almost February, so just a few more months of winter time and when summer comes {Spring doesn’t happen here} its actually not so bad and you can move from outdoors to the outside which is a huge improvement.

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I’ve been earnestly job searching for over a year now. Everyone says the best way to get a job, is to be IN a job. It pays my bills, but that’s about it. There are things I would love to have extra money to spend on, like, for example, a visit to the doctors.

I can’t afford to go to the doctor. Instead I just google my ailments and pray they cure themselves. I just don’t have the extra 50 euros to go for a visit. Plus the medication on top of that.

Then there’s my foot, which I think has a verucca? Not sure, but its sore as fuck. That needs to be treated asap, again I just don’t have the money to cover the bills.

Then there’s the credit card, which hasn’t been used since last April, for a trip that I couldn’t go, cause my grandmother got sick. Still attempting to pay off that, with 50 euros a month.

And my poor car. My poor poor car needs new tyres like you wouldn’t believe. It also desperately needs a service. The car barely sputters to life.

And now I have rent to pay on my new house. 500 smackers a month.

I can’t survive on my current wage, which is next to nothing. Yes I’m moaning, but its my blog and I’m allowed to.

I’m just trying to highlight how important it is for me to gain full-time employment. And yes I’ve given up on the library dream, but I want to work in areas where I can later bring relevant skills back to the library workplace when jobs do eventually reappear. So, me working as a telemarketer just isn’t a possibility. There are no skills which I can bring back to my hopefully future employment, and I personally would see it as extremely detrimental to my career.

Depressing doesn’t even begin to describe what you feel when you spend a couple of hours working on your CV and cover letter and don’t even get a PFO {please fuck off} letter from the employer.

You check your emails every few minutes, in case someone, anyone, wants to offer you a job interview. Sometimes you get lucky and you get an interview, but most times than not, you don’t even get a response.

So you keep on searching, day after day. Losing a bit more of yourself in the process. You get jaded. You then realise that maybe its just not mean’t to be. You were never supposed to have the career of your dreams. That maybe you just say ‘fuck it’ and go work in a dreary office doing the most horrendously boring job on the planet, purely because it pays the bills.

And thats what depresses me the most. Being stuck in a job I hate but knowing I can’t leave because I squandered years and time doing a job that pays my rent and gaining nothing but misery and heartache.

And as a woman I feel this huge amount of pressure. Its like a pressure cooker. You leave college, you get a job, work steadily and gain a few pay rises. Meet a man, marry, have a baby and the career is suddenly put on temporary hold. But you’re also expected to own your own home. Have 2 nice holidays a year. Have a good car.

So many bloody expectations. And I hate it. But I also desire it too. I want to have the family and the house and the holidays. But I want to be successful too. But maybe herein lies my problem, I want it all.

But currently I have none of those things. And I feel like I’m disappointing myself. Whereas my late 20s should be about exploration and growing up, jetting off for mini weekend breaks here and there and having a savings account – Instead I have nothing.

So this is my plea.

Please universe, conspire and help me. I’m selfishly asking you to find some employer to hire me. To choose me. I want you to help me find a reason to start living again. A reason to enjoy my life and to give me opportunities to do so much more. Please choose someone/anyone to give me a full-time job. Please!

It’s not like life suddenly got exciting or anything, far from it. I’m just a complete lazy bones and temporarily forgot that I wrote.

This week I reread Solace in its entirety and didn’t hate all of it! Hey that’s an improvement! The key areas that I need to focus and rewrite is the beginning {pretty mediocre} and the ending {absolute drivel}. The middle section, which I thought was perhaps a bit shaky, turned out to be quite fine and I’ll only have to write a scene in order to make it flow cohesively.

My dreams of having it ready for Christmas will not come to fruition unfortunately. I don’t have the funds to pay for someone to proofread and edit the novel. It’ll be a while away. Which is a shame as I really wanted to have it ready for the Christmas markets, seeing as everyone and their grandmother is getting an e-reader this year.

In other story related news, I’ve written a very short piece on my pirate queen and I absolutely love it. I don’t know if I have it truly in me to write a full length novel of some 100,000 words, but I definitely have a few short stories in me. Always little ideas that are just a scene at a time.

Right, I need to look at my novel seriously by the end of November and do some goddamn editing. Get a move on Missy.

Finally! I started editing Solace today. I think I needed a mental break from it. And also I’ve been volunteering my butt off in a school library, really trying to make an impression. And whilst I have made an impression, it unfortunately hasn’t had the affect where I thought I might be offered a sort of part time job. I’m in dire need of money. My finances havent been this low in a long long time. Ouch.

So I’m going to really try to concentrate now on getting Solace out in time for Christmas. Its been my plan since September, and having finished the novel, I’m looking forward to tweaking it and making it perfect.

Sometimes I think a well needed break from your work is necessary. I just kept staring at the opening lines of my novel, and hating every single word written. Ultimately this was stopping me from moving past the first line and seeing the rest of the novel. But now, its slow progress, but I’m getting there.

I’ve also been working at something else. A pirate novel. But I think I may leave that for NaNoWriMo, which starts on the 1st of November and encourages those ambitious enough to write a novel of 50,000 words in one month. I’ve tried multiple times before to do it, but have never had enough time to complete it. Last year was my best, with some 20,000 words written. Then it all went to hell and back. 

But I’d like to attempt to do it again this year. 

Anyone successfully completed NaNoWriMo before? Or anyone going to do it this year?

 

I haven’t even looked at Solace since I finished it last week. Well I’ve looked at the first chapter a number of times and groaned. The thoughts of editing it make me want to pull my hair out. It would be lovely to just put it out into the world as it is, but I fear that would just cause me too much shame. I should be proud of what I have written, but I’m just disheartened by it. And I can’t figure out why. Maybe its a matter of putting it in a drawer for a few months, forgetting it exists and then coming back to it after a while. Maybe inspiration will come then? Maybe I’ll be able to see its worth and love it again.

But at the moment I’m very tired of it. And I want to start something fresh to forget about it. 

I’m intrigued by this book, simply due to the fact that every time I go on Amazon, there it is winking and enticing me with its gorgeous cover. It also sounds right up my alley. Angels. Check. Doom. Check. Paranormal Romance. Yup, yup yup.

So, I finally gave in and bought it for my Kindle today. Fingers crossed it turns out to be as awesome as all the reviews suggest.

However it is the publicity that Amazon has generated for it that interests me a lot. I haven’t noticed another book being so forcibly pushed on the consumer before. I may be completely out of my depth here, but on this side of the ocean, I haven’t even heard a whisper about it. Stateside it seems to now begin to steamroll and pick up interest, Entertainment Weekly ran a quick article last week on their website. I’ll be keeping a close eye on it over the next few weeks, and hope to in the meantime read it myself.

Has anyone else out there noticed this type of publicity from Amazon before? Or have I just been completely oblivious to it?

An interesting look at the Traditional Publishing vs. Self Publishing. At the moment I’m leaning towards Self Publishing, but that’s primarily because I’m so impatient 🙂

Leigh Caroline's Blog

There are strengths and weaknesses to both approaches, and for some people, their own strengths can compensate for the industry’s weakness.

Self Publishing:

*Speed-Strength- When you self publish, you can put out books as quickly as you can get them written.

*Editing-Weakness- You have to edit your own stories. Depending on the author, this may not be a big deal. Some people are able to edit their own work well, or have good betas who can edit it for them. Yet so much of what I’ve looked at that’s self published has clear editing problems, both structural (This scene does nothing) and spelling/grammar issues. Typos happen, yes, but they shouldn’t be so common as to make me want to grab my red pen.

*Volume- Weakness/strength both- This one is a mixed bag. On one hand, the sheer volume of self published books is daunting, from a reader’s perspective…

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Hello!

Please come in and make yourself at home. I, shall be your host over the next few months, years, decades, or however long this thing takes my whimsy. I am Missy. I hail from the small city of Dublin, Ireland where I procrastinate daily and like to imagine myself anywhere but Dublin. I found a temporary part time job that I really like, which hopefully one day hope to make into my career. However this is not about my thoughts on librarianship, or how I wish Ryan Gosling would rescue me from my wonderful daydreams, but more about my thoughts on writing, the process behind it and what I can learn from it.

I’ve been writing for years. I wrote from the ages of 14/15-19 non-stop. I couldn’t get enough. I think it had something to do with godawful Westlife, Nsync fan fiction that kept me going for as long as I did. Oh and I wrote tennis fan fiction. Lord, was I obsessed. And not very good. Although I can still look back fondly on those stories and see the happiness and laughter they brought me.

Now, after a very long hiatus, where I just could not put pen to paper, I eventually got my mojo back around 2 years. Now I’m currently working on my first novel for young teen’s. It’s been brewing for months, little scraps of ideas being jotted down here there and everywhere. Deadlines haven’t been set, but this blog, should set me on target. Push me in the right direction.

It’s a long process, and ideally the result is to complete that blasted novel. After all we all have one in us.